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One Wedding, a Punch Bowl, and a New Life Together

3/2/2021

As told by Ray Adams:

When we got engaged, Ruby’s mother was very happy. Her father, well that was a different story. He told Ruby that I’d probably be selling pencils on the streets of New York City. Shortly after Ruby and I decided to get married, her father asked me to write a letter asking for her hand in marriage which I did. I handed it to him in person and I think he was kind of startled that I did it, but he never responded to it. I didn’t let that discourage me though and it didn’t didn’t stop Ruby and me from getting married.

On the days leading up to the wedding, I was a little nervous as most people are. Surprisingly, I got laid off from General Motors just a few days before the wedding, but thankfully, I was only out of work for about a week.

Although her father didn’t make the trip, Ruby was happy that her mom flew in from Trinidad for the wedding. It was an early afternoon wedding and it was a quick one, too. The ceremony couldn’t have been more than a half hour. After we were married, we took a few photos and then we had the reception at my mother and father’s apartment.

We tried to keep the costs down and I think everything for the reception cost about 250 bucks. The most expensive things were the cake and food. It wasn’t a full meal, it was mostly finger foods. There was a punch bowl, but it wasn’t spiked. I think Grandpa gave a little speech. It was heartfelt. He was very welcoming of Ruby and even got a little emotional. The party was short. It wasn’t like one of today’s weddings that goes to 3 o’clock in the morning. It was an afternoon deal. Everybody was probably gone by 5 o’clock in the evening.

In the weeks that followed we were really happy. Married life is totally different than being single. We had a little apartment on Bissell Street. We got along very well. We were just a struggling young couple, trying to pay our rent, make the car payments and buy groceries but we got by the best that we could. You know, in the years that followed, I never had to sell pencils on the streets of New York City to pay the bills. Now that could change, but I have a feeling we’re going to be alright.

Video Chats, a Royal Wedding, and Photos on the Fridge

2/23/2021

My mom loved to take pictures. Whether there was an occasion or not, she always had her camera out and told us all to smile. If we didn’t smile, she’d complain that she wanted “nice pictures." A lot of them ended up on our fridge every year. But it wasn’t just us on the fridge. When Prince William got married to Catherine Middleton, my mom took pictures of their wedding ceremony on the TV screen and the next thing you know, the Prince is smiling from our fridge door next to those of us who are perhaps a bit less royal.

About 10 years ago I was doing a video chat with my parents. They were in Hawaii for their winter vacation and I was in New York City. When they were out there, we used to video chat quite regularly. That year in February, NYC was hit with a pretty big snowstorm and so I shared some pictures of the snow with them over iChat. There was this one picture of me standing on top of a snowbank and I noticed that my mom was taking photos of the screen.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I could just send her the photo, so I just let her continue. She must have snapped a dozen photos that I shared from my computer and although there was a screen in between us, I kind of felt special. Here I was in New York City and my mom was in Hawaii and she was taking photos of me in the snow. I don’t know if she ever got them printed, but the thought of my mom getting photos like these printed out at the drugstore and then having them end up on the fridge is about as endearing as it gets.

Carnival, Culture, and a Little Bit of Rum

2/16/2021

With Fat Tuesday being today, I thought about Carnival and about my mother’s relationship with Trinidad. My mom was very proud of her Caribbean heritage. Growing up, we even had the flag of Trinidad in front of our house, right next to the American flag. If my mom was talking about her home country, I can guarantee that she’d be doing it with a smile. Her heritage would sneak its way into conversations and if you talked to my mom for more than five minutes, she probably told you that she was from Trinidad. After that was established, it was most likely followed by something like, “Aren’t you cold in this weather?”

My Dad celebrated Carnival in Trinidad in 1965 and he told me, “Carnival was a crazy time with parties that started almost a week before Fat Tuesday.” What my mother loved the most was the music and the dancing. My Dad said, “It was totally different than anything you'd experience in the states. People were out in the streets, drinking and having a good time. I danced a little bit and I drank a little more than I should have, but I don't think I ever got drunk. Ruby had a tiny bit, just a bit of rum.” He went on to say that, “Because there were so many wild parties, and there was so much drinking, 9 months later there were a lot of babies born.” Unfortunately, this previous section in this post could not be fact-checked, so I cannot guarantee its accuracy.

After my mother moved to the states, she continued to celebrate Carnival. She even got the go-ahead to celebrate carnival at the schools that she worked at and helped the students make their own costumes. Calypso music was played over the sound system and the students had a blast dancing in their original outfits.

One year my grandfather, Clint (Dad’s dad), showed up to see what all the fuss was about.

As I got older, my mom even helped a friend put on a version of Carnival downtown. She recruited a couple of my close friends, Tim and Mike. Tim still recalls saying something to my mom about not being Trinidadian and he remembers her saying with a smile that it didn’t matter if you were Trinidadian or not, but it was simply about coming together to share the love for the culture.

It was the culture that my mom loved, which of course includes the food and the drink. I’d imagine that when you grow up a certain way, it's got to be hard to let go of that. Even though she left Trinidad in 1966 when she was 26 years old, it continued to be a huge part of her life. She loved to talk about Trinidad and by teaching about and sharing the traditions and cultures of her own culture, she was able to bring the world just a little bit closer together.

Coffee Time

2/9/2021

I love coffee. I crave it as soon as I wake up. Sometimes, I even think about it before I go to bed as I’m brushing my teeth and get excited because I know I am that much closer to having coffee. I’m not one of those, “Don’t talk to me before I have my coffee” types of people but I certainly savor that first cup in the morning. It's amazing how day after day, it never gets old.

After I moved back to Syracuse in 2013, my mom and I had a special bond over coffee. Before I started working as a video journalist, I was doing a lot of writing that would last late into the night. I’d be going to bed as my Dad was getting up and I’d usually wake up late and there was always fresh coffee in a thermos waiting for me that either she or my Dad had made.

Before I would pour a cup, I would step outside and that’s where I’d see my mom. In the summer, she was usually outside, watering the plants, clipping coupons or something like that. I’d look at her and say, “Hey Mom, Do you know what time it is???” She would always play along. She’d shrug and say, “No, I don’t… What time is it, Matt?” After that, I would look at her with a smile, glance at my imaginary watch and proceed to say, “It’s coffee time!” My Dad got in on the joke, too and this was a daily thing that always made us laugh. After this, we’d usually sit outside with coffee for a few minutes and we did this almost every day.

“Coffee Time” got to be such a thing that one time, she even put a note on the clock, that said “It's coffee time.”

It's funny how such a small thing like a note and a cup of coffee hold such a special place in my memory. Throughout that summer, I started many days just sitting outside at the picnic table with a cup of coffee in my hand and it was because of my mom that my days started with a smile.

The Great Art Scandal of 1987

2/2/2021

My mom always loved contests. For her, getting one’s artwork or photography in the newspaper was a huge deal. Even after I made a feature film that was in some major film festivals, my mom continued to tell me about these contests. I’d show her a photo I had taken and her first response was, “You should send that to the paper, maybe they'll want to use it.” For her, if you got something into the paper, that was “making it.”

This is a story about the time I did make it into the paper, but today - after three decades - you’ll read the real story behind it: When I was about 8 years old, a local TV station was having their annual student art contest and the participants had to paint an image inspired from a book of their choice. At that time, I was crazy about “There’s No Such Thing As A Dragon” by Jack Kent, so my mom encouraged me to participate in the contest. However, there was one catch. I couldn’t paint. I had absolutely no skill.

My mom bought a big piece of posterboard and I remember that I just started doodling on it when she was in the other room. When she came back she saw just a couple of crooked lines with a pencil Of course my mom wouldn’t say anything bad about my artistic talent, but she was quick to say something like, “You know, I think that what we should do is create a unique background.” She had all this colored tissue paper and we cut it into squares and created a colorful background that conveniently covered up what I had started. Over this new background, my mom painted and painted for at least a few hours.I helped out a little bit and filled in a few shapes here and there, but it was really my mom who did most of the work.

After we submitted the painting, we heard nothing for weeks. So my mom, being my mom, ended up calling the TV station and somehow she got through to one of the judges. When she asked who the winner was for my age division, he didn’t say my name but described “my” painting and I remember how excited my mom was. “First place!!” she yelled from the kitchen right after she got off the phone.

All the winners were invited to a sort of gallery exhibit showcasing everyone’s work at the TV studio. I even got my picture taken by a professional photographer and the picture was printed in the paper. My mom was thrilled for me because I think that she really thought I was the one who did most of the work. If you had asked her if she was the one who painted it, she would have said, “Absolutely not, it was all Matt!” In her mind, she was just there to help out, when in reality she was the one who was behind it.

In literature, there is the term ghost-writer, describing the person who’s really responsible for having written a book, even though their name isn’t on the cover. Over 30 years ago, my mom was my “ghost-painter”, although I got all the local fame for it. Ruby Adams should have won the 14th Annual Student Art Award. Of course she was in her late forties, but coming in at 4’10 she would have fit right in.

Smiles In the Mail

1/26/2021

It's no secret that my mom was well known for her colored envelopes. However, what people may not know is that she didn't just draw on them, she actually painted some of them herself. I found this short video clip that I shot years ago, which shows one of her creative techniques. She put so much love into these envelopes and this clip is simply a joy to watch.

Her envelopes and letters were always so colorful. When my Mom was featured on Humans of New York, I was asked to take a photo of as many letters and envelopes as I could fit into a single picture.

One thing that I didn't mention back then was that in addition to her letters, my Mom loved quotes. She had books filled with them! She would always write thoughtful quotes on the envelopes that she felt were meaningful to the receiver of the letter. Some were uplifting, others a bit more whimsical, and sometimes she even added her own personal flair.

When she would send me letters to New York City, I would hang some of them on the wall for inspiration. Here's a few that I kept. In the one below, you can even see the thumb tack holes.

Right under the quote next to the upside down sticker of the cat, it reads, "This is not upside down. The cats are reading!!" I loved when my mom would add playful elements to her letters like this. She always had a way of being able to make me smile. I hope she knows that.

Silent Film Stars in 2001

1/19/2021

When I was in my early 20's I loved absurdist humor. The television show, "Monty Python's Flying Circus" was one of my favorites. I used to watch VHS tapes of it on repeat and wanted to be just like them.

Before I studied film, I spent some time taking photography classes at OCC, and for many of the assignments, my parents were my main subjects. Inspired by Monty Python, I did an absurdist photo series where my mom and Dad were hit DJs who didn't use records, tapes, or CDs but plastic Fisher Price toy records.

When I moved to NYC to study film, the medium changed, but my parents were still my "go to" actors and I would take the bus home whenever I had to make a new film for class. Within two months of starting film school, I was given an assignment to shoot a film on super 8 film stock, so I wrote a short silent film called, "Fender Gender" for the class. My good friend Tim Austin story-boarded it and was even the director of photography.

"Fender Gender" is still one of the weirdest films I've ever made. It was a bonkers idea that was inspired by one thing: What would it be like if a man was driving his car down the street and he had to pull over because a woman in her bathrobe was vacuuming in the middle of the road? When you watch it, you realize that's not even the weirdest part.

When I told my parents about the idea, there was no hesitation at all. They were always "all in" and so very supportive. Upon completion, I showed the film at my college and the students were really surprised that these actors were my parents. One student even asked where they studied acting!

For a film shoot like this, many mothers would make sure that there is food on set, but for this project, my mom not only kept us fed, but she and my Dad even starred in it. For this week's edition of Ruby Tuesday, watch the new version with music by ragtime piano legend James Scott.

Hair in a Box

1/12/2021

My Mom was great at being thrifty: coupons, discounts, you name it. One of the things that she did to save money when I was growing up was to cut my hair. She didn’t have any formal training but, somehow, she just picked it up. In addition to my hair, she also cut my Dad’s, and - when word got around that she was actually pretty good - she started cutting the hair of whoever came along. One of the regulars was my dear friend and next-door neighbor, Kevin Shannon, who can be seen in the blue shirt sitting next to my Dad.

One day right around my Dad’s birthday, Kevin was getting his haircut. Somehow, that day, he came up with the bright idea of giving the clippings to my Dad as a birthday gift along with a bottle of Elmer’s glue because, as Kevin said, “He really seemed to need it.” My Mom must have thought that this was hilarious because she “ran with it as soon as it left my mouth,” according to Kevin. She even made sure that Kevin’s red hair clippings were neatly placed in a gift box with white tissue paper, the box beautifully wrapped with a red bow on top. Everyone was in on the joke, so we were excited for my Dad to open this gift. When he did, we all burst into laughter, especially my Dad.

Of course, my Mom wanted to document this moment, so we all lined up around the box of hair and smiled for the camera. It was one of those neighborhood happenings that we talked about for years to come and when I asked Kevin about the “hair story” for this week’s blog, it gave us both a good laugh even after all these years.

Let’s Get Married!

1/5/2021

As told by Ray Adams:

Ruby and I had been dating for probably 6 months and started talking about a future together. I had been thinking about proposing because I was going to be leaving Trinidad soon, but she beat me to it. One day she just kind of blurted it out and we decided right then and there to get married.

The plan was for her to come to the states soon after I got discharged from the Marines in June of 65. She didn’t get there until April of the next year though, so we were writing letters back and forth for 9 or 10 months. That was our main form of communication, as talking on the phone was so darn expensive. I was working at General Motors making $3 per hour and to make a call to Trinidad, it cost about a dollar per minute, which was kind of crazy.

In our letters, we made plans for the wedding and talked about what was going on. In January of 1966 we had a huge snow storm in Syracuse with about 5 feet of snow, which even made the news in Trinidad. The papers labeled it the storm of the century. Knowing Ruby, I can’t imagine she was too happy about moving someplace so cold, but she never said anything about it, and ultimately she was very excited to marry me.

This first photo was taken in April of 1966 when they were at the airport right before Ruby was leaving for the states. Ruby is on the right, her mom is in the center and her sister Vicenta is on the left.

She had her wedding gown packed in her luggage and was very concerned that she would have to open her suitcase at some point. I mean, here she is coming to the states on a holiday visa, and who goes on vacation with a wedding dress, right? Fortunately, they never opened her suitcase and she didn’t get into any trouble.

When Ruby arrived, my Dad picked her up at the airport and Ruby said that he was very nice, but actually a little nervous. Until we got married a couple weeks later, we stayed in my mom and Dad’s apartment, in separate bedrooms. My mom insisted on that. She was not a fan of hanky panky.

I’ll save the story of our wedding day for yet another time.

Loungin'

12/29/2020

I have been pushing myself to the limit at my job and my mom always said that when I need a break I should take one, so that's just what I am doing. I will be back with a regular post next week, but for now, please enjoy this picture of my mom lounging in the big red nook in front of Target in Fairmount.

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"Ruby Tuesday" is a place for friends and family to share stories about my mother and show how she has impacted their lives.

Blog updates every Tuesday for the full year to celebrate my mom turning 80.

If you'd like to share something, whether it be a story, a photo, a recipe or even a drawing of hers that you kept, please e-mail me or use the contact form. The goal is to get as many voices on here as possible!

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