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The Cat that Played the Violin

10/27/2020

Most people probably remember the last time that they dressed up for Halloween when they were a kid. For me, I was over 30. After I moved back to Syracuse in 2011, I was hanging out with my mom on Halloween evening and we decided to just get dressed up in case we had any trick-or-treaters. My mom simply put on a witches hat or something like that but for me, she had bigger ideas. After looking through some of the items in our basement, we came up with this idea together. I was to be the cat that played the violin.

My mom loved the costume so much, she asked me is we could go to her friend Mary's house who lived just about a block away. When we got there, I rang the doorbell, and her husband Dominick, this big Italian guy answered and yelled to his wife, "Mary! You gotta see this, there's a cat out here playing the violin!" We all laughed so much together and I'll never forget that look on Dominick's face as he turned into a little kid right in front of us. That was the thing about my mom, whenever something made her smile, she always wanted to share it with others and I'm so glad I got to see it firsthand for so many years.

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Colors of Fall at the Erie Canal

10/20/2020

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Over the years, my mom and I spent quite a bit of time at the Erie Canal. About 6 years ago, we had an impromptu photo shoot there. For my mom, this kind of acting for the camera was effortless. These pictures really embody who she is in so many ways. I hope they'll bring a smile to your face.

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Mom's Americas

10/13/2020

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by Mike Adams

Art was such a foundational aspect for mom. Here she used it brilliantly in education. For those of you not from Upstate New York, the Haudenosaunee are the Iroquois Confederacy, the sophisticated Native American civilization founded in 1142 and considered the oldest living participatory democracy on earth. The Confederation inspired Our Founders such as Ben Franklin, the joining of the 13 colonies into a single nation and many of our democratic principles.

The picture mom outlined to paint with her students is either the Peacemaker or the Onondaga leader Hiawatha. The Peacemaker said, “A single arrow is weak and easily broken. A bundle of arrows tied together cannot be broken. The five arrows represent the 5 Nations and the strength. The motif is present in the bundle of 13 arrows held by the eagle in the Great Seal of the United States.

In her teacher's statement, mom wrote, “I love to roll up my sleeves, remembering that I am an artist, for I believe that someday I will be in Paradise and continue to be the great artist that God intended me to be…”

Mom always used art to engage her students. She celebrated all cultures, and she never forgot where she came from; Trinidad, landed upon by Christopher Columbus in 1498 and named for the Holy Trinity. The island is truly a salad bowl of Amerindian, British, French, Spanish, African, Chinese, Indian, and Middle Easterners. Their Mardi Gras Carnival is the 7th largest. Mom was part of a group of Syracuse Trinis who brought T&T Carnivals to downtown Syracuse. I gather she even made costumes for her students. Mayor Roy Bernardi even accepted her invitation.

There are pictures of Mom, Mark, and me when she became a US citizen, all three of us dressed formally in the colors. She took pride in her US Citizenship, but she also took pride in her Trinidadian roots. For the longest time, both flags were on display at their home. Mark, Matt, and I have each been to the island once each with mom, all at a very different periods in her life. I am sure that she was thrilled to share her home with us. She wrote, “ The combination of my East Indian/West Indian background and my years in the USA have stimulated me to examine more deeply the traditional social values of both cultures, and has driven me to form my non-conformist philosophy”. I can't help but think she was ahead of her time in celebrating multiculturalism.

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Meet the Parents and Wedding Surprises

10/6/2020

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By Simone Adams

Meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time can be a lot of things. Exciting – because you find out who the people are that brought him into this world. Comforting – because it is certainly a sign that he’s serious about your relationship. And a little nerve-wracking – because you want to leave a good first impression. When I first met Matt’s parents, Ruby and Ray, it was a little bit of everything. We met at Pete’s Polar Parlor in Camillus and although I was a little nervous, it went really well. Matt later told me that his Mom said, “I have to say that she is very lovely.” I certainly thought the same thing about her. Nothing was formal about our first meeting, and she greeted me with a warm hug as if she’d known me long before.

I didn’t notice anything about her memory that day, but gradually over time, as I got to know her better, it became apparent that she was struggling with memory loss, some days to the point of not remembering my name. I had heard all these wonderful stories about Ruby and her colorful life, about the impact she had made on the entire neighborhood, about her vibrant personality, and about the indelible influence she had on her youngest son Matt, the person that I had fallen in love with so deeply. Through Matt’s stories I could clearly recognize traces of her in him. To me, they both share the same loud infectious laugh, the same mischief in their eyes when they are pulling your leg, and they both are empaths who deeply care for and are affected by other people and their feelings.

I’ve always been a little bit sad that I never really knew “the” Ruby from before memory loss became a defining part of her life. The fleeting moments and laughs I shared with her seemed small in comparison to the rich stories that I’d heard from her family. I often wished, as did Matt – I’m sure, that we’d met earlier in life, and that I, too, could have shared his mom’s abundance of love that she infused everyone around her with when she was well.

Fast forward a couple of years to our wedding day in Austria: Matt and I just said “I do” in front of our families and closest friends. It was the happiest I’d ever felt in my life. When the ceremony was over and it was time for the families to walk up to congratulate the bride and groom, Ruby once again greeted me with a long and loving hug. She held me tight and with tears of joy in her eyes she confessed that earlier that day she didn’t know that we were getting married. She kept saying “I had no idea”, laughing and crying at the same time, hugging us and expressing her joy at what she had just witnessed. In that moment as well as for the rest of the day, she was always “right there” with us.

Later that night, Matt and I were on the dance floor with our friends. Ruby and Ray were sitting at the tables in the front row and Ruby was getting tired due to jetlag and such a long, eventful day. But then the DJ put on “Jean and Dinah” by Mighty Sparrow, one of Ruby’s favorite songs from her youth, which Matt had selected for our playlist. Within seconds into the song, Ruby jumped up and joined us dancing. She twirled around, singing the lyrics from memory, and it was like a younger version of herself had suddenly appeared right in front of me.

On my wedding day Matt became my husband, but I also somehow became Ruby’s daughter – and she made sure I could feel that all day long.

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"Ruby Tuesday" is a place for friends and family to share stories about my mother and show how she has impacted their lives.

Blog updates every Tuesday for the full year to celebrate my mom turning 80.

If you'd like to share something, whether it be a story, a photo, a recipe or even a drawing of hers that you kept, please e-mail me or use the contact form. The goal is to get as many voices on here as possible!

The Cat that Played the Violin

Colors of Fall at the Erie Canal

Mom's Americas

Meet the Parents and Wedding Surprises

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