Meet the Parents and Wedding Surprises

By Simone Adams

Meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time can be a lot of things. Exciting – because you find out who the people are that brought him into this world. Comforting – because it is certainly a sign that he’s serious about your relationship.  And a little nerve-wracking – because you want to leave a good first impression. When I first met Matt’s parents, Ruby and Ray, it was a little bit of everything. We met at Pete’s Polar Parlor in Camillus and although I was a little nervous, it went really well. Matt later told me that his Mom said, “I have to say that she is very lovely.” I certainly thought the same thing about her. Nothing was formal about our first meeting, and she greeted me with a warm hug as if she’d known me long before.

I didn’t notice anything about her memory that day, but gradually over time, as I got to know her better, it became apparent that she was struggling with memory loss, some days to the point of not remembering my name. I had heard all these wonderful stories about Ruby and her colorful life, about the impact she had made on the entire neighborhood, about her vibrant personality, and about the indelible influence she had on her youngest son Matt, the person that I had fallen in love with so deeply. Through Matt’s stories I could clearly recognize traces of her in him. To me, they both share the same loud infectious laugh, the same mischief in their eyes when they are pulling your leg, and they both are empaths who deeply care for and are affected by other people and their feelings.

I’ve always been a little bit sad that I never really knew “the” Ruby from before memory loss became a defining part of her life. The fleeting moments and laughs I shared with her seemed small in comparison to the rich stories that I’d heard from her family. I often wished, as did Matt – I’m sure, that we’d met earlier in life, and that I, too, could have shared his mom’s abundance of love that she infused everyone around her with when she was well.

Fast forward a couple of years to our wedding day in Austria: Matt and I just said “I do” in front of our families and closest friends. It was the happiest I’d ever felt in my life. When the ceremony was over and it was time for the families to walk up to congratulate the bride and groom, Ruby once again greeted me with a long and loving hug. She held me tight and with tears of joy in her eyes she confessed that earlier that day she didn’t know that we were getting married. She kept saying “I had no idea”, laughing and crying at the same time, hugging us and expressing her joy at what she had just witnessed. In that moment as well as for the rest of the day, she was always “right there” with us.

Later that night, Matt and I were on the dance floor with our friends. Ruby and Ray were sitting at the tables in the front row and Ruby was getting tired due to jetlag and such a long, eventful day. But then the DJ put on “Jean and Dinah” by Mighty Sparrow, one of Ruby’s favorite songs from her youth, which Matt had selected for our playlist. Within seconds into the song, Ruby jumped up and joined us dancing. She twirled around, singing the lyrics from memory, and it was like a younger version of herself had suddenly appeared right in front of me. 

On my wedding day Matt became my husband, but I also somehow became Ruby’s daughter – and she made sure I could feel that all day long.